Difficulties That Come With Adoption
What do you tell your child?
Children need honest answers about their adoption. One of the really difficult questions to answer is, �why did my real parents give me up?� Try hard to preserve your child�s sense of worth by telling them that their parents weren�t able to,�raise you the way they knew you deserved, so they decided to let you be free to join a family who could give you the love and care you need.�
When your child says that you look very different, for example, admit that he/she is right and ask how they feel about it. Children need different information at different periods in their life. Asking the child how they feel will help you gain insight and understand why they asked the question.
Discrimination and Bullying-
When children are seen as different, due to their family situation, the color of their skin or the slant of their eyes, can be forced to deal with bullying. Your child�s primary protector is you. Deal with bullying the minute it happens by talking to the teacher and the family of the bully. Children shouldn�t have to suffer bullying. Help prevent bullying by actively letting your child�s schoolmates understand how valuable the differences in your child.
You might want to consider asking your child�s teacher if you (or they) can teach about all of the different kinds of families as a special presentation in November, during National Adoption Month. The kids will learn that adoption is simply one way that a family forms, just like when two previously married people join their families or going to live with Grandma.
If your child is African, Chinese, or any other ethnicity you can teach his/her classmates all about their culture.
Rebellion and anger-
Your child may feel angry about being given up for adoption, anger at you and your spouse for adopting him or her, anger at everyone else because he must deal with special challenges that others do not face. Although every circumstance is different, adoptive parents generally try very hard to understand that anger and, most of all, to not take it personally.
The Joy of Adoption-
As an adoptive parent you will probably have special challenges but you also have the extraordinary joy of knowing that you chose to make a family with your child. Find other adoptive families and create friendships with them. You�ll find that they are just a little bit extra special because they climbed a steeper path to create their families and they cherish those families all the more for all the extra pains it took to bring them together.
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