Get Mad At The Disorder, Not Your Loved One!

There have been several articles written and featured on my website, and even printed in this newsletter, about not taking things personally when your loved one is in an episode and says things that hurt your feelings.

We have even talked about not getting frustrated, resentful, or even angry when your loved one says something directly at you, maybe even seemingly to try to make you mad! But isn't it hard, at those times, NOT to get mad at your loved one?

I know, because I am a supporter of a loved one with Bipolar Disorder - my mother has Bipolar Disorder, as many of you know. And it is so hard when she says mean, hurtful things to me that make me mad, when I want to say mean, hurtful things right back at her.

So what do I do? Especially because I know she's in an episode, and will not even remember the things she said while she was in an episode anyway (which really frustrates me and makes me mad!).

One of the things that I've learned to do is to re-direct my feelings.

I've learned that turning around and getting mad right back at my mom isn't going to do any good at all. Mostly because, like I said, she won't even remember anything after the episode is over, anyway. And, keeping the resentment and anger inside isn't going to do anything, either, except keep me fuming and stressed for a long time, even after the episode is over, as well!

So I have to deal with it, one way or another. For my own sake, as well as my mom's.

Re-directing my feelings means that I turn my anger away from my mom and towards the Bipolar Disorder itself. I can be angry at the disorder, and not my mom, and then I can DO something about it! I mean, I can throw a tantrum, and rage at the disorder instead of my mom, and throw my fist at the wall and scream at it all I want, but will that really be productive? (Ok, I admit that I do do that sometimes, and it even feels better and does give me some relief).

But the point is, instead of getting mad at my mom, which is NOT productive, I get mad at the disorder itself. Do I have reasons? You bet I do! I can make a list, just like you can. And that IS productive.

So sit down and make a list of all the reasons why you are mad that your loved one has Bipolar Disorder. That will help to re-direct your anger, and you will find that, after a while, you are not so angry!

Here are a few starters:

1. Bipolar Disorder makes my loved one's personality change.

2. Bipolar Disorder changed our lives.

3. I have no control over the disorder.

4. I hate when my loved one goes into an episode.

5. I hate feeling so helpless when my loved one goes into an episode.

The rest of the list is up to you. I'm sure once you start, you will find that the other reasons will come easy to you (especially if you're mad when you're making the list!).

You will also find that when you re-direct your anger away from your loved one and toward the disorder, that handling their episode will be easier, because your emotions will be more compassionate toward your loved one and less hostile.