Anger In A Failed Relationship

We probably all know someone, either directly or indirectly, that let his anger at a breakup cause him or others personal harm. Usually, it boiled to a point that never went beyond the exchange of a few punches with the rival male. Perhaps it was someone you knew who keyed their ex's car or wrote profanities about them in a public place. The Civil Courts overflow with personal lawsuits seeking damages against former lovers due to acts of stupidity, done out of anger.

Occasionally, we know someone that went beyond the point of self-control and, as the situation escalated, each step of his anger went to a degree that resulted in a seemingly unbelievable conclusion. REASONS AND RESULTS

The threat of losing someone in a relationship promotes fear. Men may react to that fear with aggression �" part of that "fight or flight" response we choose when threatening situations confront us. It is not so simple as just fear of losing his mate, as many fear factors may be present.

These are some:

Fear that he won't find love again.

Fear he is a failure.

Fear he is not in control of his life.

Fear of the rejection he just received.

Fear of being abandoned.

It's possible that some men may feel worthless, guilty and ashamed. Each man's reason can be different: from real reasons to just subconscious reasons. The sense of failure makes him angry. He takes the rage and anger out on those who are around him. When asked why he reacts the way he does, most men cannot verbalize their feelings. Leo Madow, M.D. in his book, "Anger" stated,

"There are two major reasons for quick open expressions of anger. The first is that the individual has accumulated so much anger that only a little more is needed to set him off. This is seen in the person who overreacts to a situation by becoming angrier than is warranted. Such a person has had many dissatisfactions in his life and is walking around with a high concentration of stored-up anger. The second reason is that the quick-to-anger person has found that anger works and is conditioned to continue its use. If a youngster finds that by having a temper tantrum he gets what he wants, he is encouraged to have another the next time he is denied something. If the next one is equally successful, he will begin to develop a pattern of behavior."

The following is a true story. I knew this man and was guest of his and his live-in fiancée at a party held at his home. I also know his now ex-fiancée to this day and withhold her name as it need not be provided here. Upon meeting the perpetrator involved in this incident, I knew that the relationship between them would not last, as all did, that could see the obvious mismatch of personalities. Eventually, his fiancée came to the same conclusion.

Many of us suspected physical abuse, on his part toward her, as the reason for her decision to end the relationship but in any case, he let his emotional anger take control. His inability to think and his immediate actions under the influence of anger led to the following result and were reported in newspapers and television in the surrounding area. I must admit that I did not like or trust this man upon meeting him, which is why this story may appear more in the form of a newspaper report. Most of it was taken from a news report; in order to keep my personal opinion separate from the facts of the incident.

Steven W. Wheatley, shot a Pocono Mountain (Pennsylvania) Police officer and was sentenced to 15-to-30 years in state prison. He was convicted of attempted murder, after he shot and wounded officer Michael Rice of Pocono Mountain Regional Police during a standoff with police at Wheatley's residence. Rice's shooting was the first of a police officer in Monroe County history.

Judge Peter J. O'Brien of Monroe County Court of Common Pleas told Wheatley. "When you shoot a police officer you wound all of us." O'Brien continued, "You are lucky you're not facing life in prison." O'Brien was referring to Rice's shotgun wound in the side of Officer Rice that proved to be life threatening. Rice, fully recovered now and is "just glad to be back on patrol." Wheatley, 36, and the father to two children, told O'Brien he realized, "This is not all about me, I was not victimized. I did not mean for anyone to get hurt."

Wheatley drew a sentence of 14-to-28 years for attempted murder and one-to-two years as a former convict carrying a firearm. The sentences were imposed consecutively. A Monroe County jury deliberated for only two hours before convicting Wheatley on March 9, 2001. E. David Christine, assistant district attorney in charge of the case, expressed satisfaction with the sentence explaining that Wheatley would have to serve at least 15 years, and most likely more time.

Wheatley shot Rice in the side of his chest on June 15, 2000, during a dispute with his fiancée over a heart-shaped diamond ring. Rice had sprayed Wheatley in the face with pepper solution while trying to end a standoff. Wheatley had blocked his girlfriend's and another officer's vehicles into his driveway with a van and refused to move it. Pocono Mountain police officer Maurice Vaccaro drew praise after the trial for using restraint in handling the escalating dispute for hours before Rice was shot. "The officers tried to do everything in their power to bring the matter to an end peacefully," Christine said.

Wheatley said he was particularly upset by his fiancée's refusal to give him back the ring because, "I gave my heart to her, all my feelings I gave to her."

This man is now in jail and will be incarcerated until at least the year 2016. It could have been worse for him as he could have killed a policeman or be dead himself. Although never considered intelligent by those of us, who knew him, he certainly had enough common sense to know you do not have an armed confrontation with the police.

He felt that his love, albeit bizarre at best, was betrayed by his fiancée. He wanted the engagement ring from her and he blocked her exit in an effort to regain it immediately. He was obviously angry and his emotional state caused him to perform actions that a rational mind would have seen the possible conclusions to. Police were called and he ultimately shot one of them.

Had he taken just a day or even a moment to think, before he reacted to his emotional anger, this man would be enjoying freedom today. Although unlikely he would have regained the love he lost, after as many of these years have passed sitting in jail, he would likely be with a new woman better suited to him if he had used just a small portion of his underused mental skills. He would, almost just as assuredly, eventually had the engagement ring returned that seemed so very important to him that day he fired upon and almost killed a police officer.

You may read this and think that you would never allow yourself to be as stupid or violent as this individual but you are thinking rationally. This wasn't your love, your situation, or your emotions at play. There are also different levels of the stupidity you could find yourself capable of. Would you stop yourself after only a verbal assault or would you find yourself in a physical confrontation against the new boyfriend or her? Are you capable of destroying her property or possessions? How about stalking or harassing phone calls?